What Remains…

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Guest Post by Gloria Lionz

October 2024 was my 19th wedding anniversary. Eight anniversaries have come and gone since my spouse was able to celebrate it with me.  Alzheimer’s changed our lives. This year was the first time since he was diagnosed with the disease that I decided to mark the occasion by dining out. It felt like it was “time” to openly share our love. My sister graciously agreed to accompany me and help create some new memories.

A few days later, I was inspired to be a little bolder. I chose a favorite restaurant of ours two hours from home. I made reservations then took a BIGGER step; I emailed restaurant management and filled them in on my plan; asking for help to make this an evening to remember.

I explained: “Although my spouse now lives in memory care and cannot join me, my sister and I want to make it a memorable evening. Would they inform staff of my request and, as they would with any ‘normal anniversary,’ help set the tone with simple gestures of offering a special beverage to make a toast and whatever else would make the evening festive?”    

I was ready to engage differently. My husband and I were avid romantics; celebrating the ‘day’ of our wedding every month until he got ill. It didn’t matter if we just exchanged cards and conversation; the evening at a minimum, was dedicated to recognizing our love was a gift.

To my delight, the manager was happy to help. When we arrived, he welcomed us warmly. He led us to our table and explained they’d arranged for a ‘traditional toast’ to the ‘happy couple’ and a special dessert of ‘our choice.’ Every staff member engaged in light-hearted banter, assuring all felt included. 

My sister and I toasted “Love,” as naturally as my husband and I had done for countless anniversaries. I was grateful for the inspiration and being ‘brave’ enough to ask for support. I was ready to revive the joy of us and release weary feelings of loss.

What transpired exceeded expectations. Our union had healed old ‘stories’ enlivening our mutual and individual lives. Why not continue that way of being?  Our dining experience included staff taking a few moments to share stories of caring for parents with memory loss and loving concern for a patron who’d recently lost his wife to the disease. Everyone spoke as they felt inclined; acknowledging they were keenly aware how anniversaries of beginning and loss are part of everyone’s life.

Before leaving, I stopped and thanked the manager again.  He let me know my request had transformed his and his team’s ability to talk about similar experiences with loved ones. “Because of your request, we’re discussing this topic and our feelings. Thank you; your courage transformed us. I’m grateful.”

I am also grateful. I’m more deeply aware that to see the Light, we must be the Light. And Light only enters when someone becomes its vehicle. The “icing on the anniversary cake?” A few minutes after we finished dessert, a poem for my husband filled my entire being. I share it with love. Please feel free to pass it on.

 

WHAT REMAINS…

    He was
    A surprise
    A lover
    A thinker
    A friend

    Now –
    He is
    Soul transforming
    Subtle comic
    Kindness itself

    Who remains
    Cannot orate
    Elucidate 
    or defend
    He’s forgotten 

    To be offended
    Self-important 
    Angry or afraid
    He remembers
    he is Love

    Dedicated to my husband for our 19^th Anniversary
    © Gloria Lionz
    October 7, 2024

Please note: The two photos included in the body of this post are of Gloria and her husband.

Gloria Lionz has been a life coach for four plus decades. She’s also a life-long poet and storyteller. Her training in personal growth began in her early 20’s. With certificates in Reiki, Ho’oponopono, and training with Caroline Myss, the works of Alamaia Will, Lynn Andrews, and Dr. Christiane Northrop. She facilitates group and individual coaching and is also an event planner.  

She is an enthusiastic gardener, an essential oil instructor, and volunteers at her local cat shelter helping cats learn to trust and recover from neglect and/or abuse. She’s committed to living a life of “love in action”—sharing her passion for helping others notice and accept they’re here to love and be loved.

Gloria can be contacted through her email: [email protected]