Emotional Gardening

Reading Time: 7 minutes

Guest Post by Tom Ziemann

I am awestruck by the similarities between one’s garden and emotional state. Both require cultivation and care if they are to prosper. A basic understanding of such has helped me to “right my ship” as it were. 

I am known by my close friends as “Mr. Hardcore Gardener.” I’ve been an addicted enthusiast for well over 25 years. I take distinct pleasure in having one of the greenest lawns on the block. For decades, I have shared the secrets, tips, and tonics with many people on how to rejuvenate their lawns. In some cases, I’ve helped them do the thatching, core aeration, augmentation for their particular soil, choosing correct fertilizers, advised and suggested the best lawn seed to purchase, and voila, in just a few short months, they too had lawns to be envied. 

Additionally, I have subsequently created my own “Zen Gardens” on both of my properties; my “Taoist sanctuary”; special private place of respite, tranquility, meditation, and reflection. Feeding our beautiful Koi is one of the things I ardently enjoy doing during the active months. 

Earlier in my life, while living in the three-story brownstone on Chicago’s Northside, I met a mentor who changed my life. His name was George Spaulding. A bright, witty, and funny man in his 70s. Super generous and he took a shine to me, flaws and all. We started a wonderful friendship. 

It’s where I learned about life, people, music, and culture. Spaulding never judged me; he knew I meant well, only that I needed emotional maturity. He never scolded me either, even when I was a total A’ hole. He spent time with me, sharing life experiences. He used the Socratic Method when teaching which made me ponder what he was trying to convey and allowed me to come to my own conclusions. During our time together, I started to become aware that my life, and who I was, mattered. 

When Spaulding came to visit one day many years later, it became quite apparent my emotional soil had been sorely neglected and required immediate attention. I wasn’t looking forward to the arduous task which lay ahead of me; however for things to change, I had to. 

Here’s what I did… 

The first step I needed to take was to assess my situation. 

Using complete self-honesty and being willing to see myself in an unflattering light allowed me to accept who I would become. I had to forgive my past behaviors and flaws and began immediately to rectify them as I started to weed them out. 

Once I completed this, I compiled my to-do list which I could follow and implement immediately. 

Rototilling: Augmenting and turning the soil; turning over a new leaf springs to mind, a wonderful metaphor used since the 16th century. In other words, improving one’s conduct creates a change for the better. Being willing to look honestly at your life, without judgment or excuses and then taking the steps required to rectify said issues is the key to meaningful, lasting changes. 

Fertilizing: Plants require specific nutrients, adding proper nourishment for the soil will help increase the yield and facilitate the overall health of the plant. 

For me, this step was akin to getting back to basics. Re-reading/listening to the incredible books which I already had in my library was merely part of my daily fertilizing. Next, I scoured Google and Good Reads for highly rated books on relationships as well as asking people what their favorite relationship book was and why they liked it. I kept a detailed list and slowly whittled it down, I checked off the books I read and added others as they were suggested. Many of the ideas I found beneficial are melded into this book. Watching YouTube videos, TED Talks and live online programs all helped round out my ongoing research. 

Planting seeds: Choosing wisely the best quality seeds will enhance the yield of any garden. Best seeds have higher genetic purity which translates into higher germination, vigor, and stamina. The seeds I have chosen for my relationship was finally knowing who I was and endeavoring to become a better man. What I wanted and needed in a relationship as well as the teachers, tools (books and CDs) to educate myself on what all those things were to help me grow. 

Key point: When we know exactly what we want and are willing to pay the price to get it, we stand an excellent chance of winning. I have always believed that all plant life possesses special intelligence. 

The first time I heard this it blew my mind, that when we add our saliva directly on the seed before we plant it in the dirt, something unexplainable occurs. The seed will absorb our DNA; it becomes part of its blueprint! 

Yes, by doing so, you become a key component of its unique genetic code. If the plant is edible, it becomes “Super Food”. How it somehow knows how to add and decipher our DNA just boggles the mind. 

Watering: Plants need adequate moisture, not too much or too little. Like getting plenty of fluids, receiving what we need in a relationship is the ultimate goal. Knowing ourselves and our partner’s needs help us get things we both deem necessary for our mutual satisfaction and inner wellbeing. Watering your relationship with love, time, and compassion makes for a fulfilling one.

PH levels in the garden are incredibly important to maintaining it, keeping an eye on the soil is a must. Soil pH has indirect yet far-reaching effects on plants. Avoidance of two extremes is crucial. In simple terms, the pH scale goes from 1-14 a pH of 1 is highly acidic and a pH of 14 is highly alkaline. Too low can yield low effects on the overall health of the leaves, they turn yellow and stunts the growth of the plant. Too high pH levels increase its toxicity. 

Therefore a pH of 6.5 is just about right for most gardens since most plants thrive in the 6.0 to 7.0 (slightly acidic to neutral) ranges. So where am I going with this? I liken this analogy to living The Middle Way, that of moderation. In Buddhism, it’s referred to as the Eightfold Path.

It’s regarded as a golden mean between self-indulgence and self-mortification, rejections of extremes. Aristotle’s idea of the Golden Mean was similar. Moreover, taking things in stride, going with the flow and not trying to push the river in any relationship helps maintain it. Learning not to overreact to any situation as well as paying attention to what your partner considers important is paramount for the long- term success and happiness in it. 

Sunshine is the necessary component for photosynthesis, which is how plants make food for themselves. Scientifically speaking, it’s the process by which green plants use sunlight to synthesize foods from carbon dioxide and water. Photosynthesis in plants involves the green pigment called chlorophyll which generates oxygen as a byproduct. My analogy for the sunshine needed in a relationship is belief and faith in ourselves and our partner, knowing that we will be there for each other. 

If we genuinely care for the other’s wellbeing and their commitment to our relationship, it is more likely to thrive. Letting our inner sunshine beam brightly with our love, devotion, dedication, and humor nourishes the unified whole. Knowing whatever our partner’s specific love languages are will help keep our relationship fresh, long-standing, and rewarding. 

Time and patience are required when we are looking for a relationship or healing after a bad break up. 

Time is equally important to devote to one’s relationship after it’s established. Quality time, not looking at your cell phone when the other is talking. Not multitasking either. Paying attention when they are telling you something they deem important. When we do the things necessary to make our relationship work, we work on it, so it works for us. It will make yours stand the test of time. We can hope to mark many years together barring death. 

Harvest Time: Oh, those sweet, heavenly rewards of our toil and labor, sumptuous, delicious fruits, crisp, tasty, healthy vegetables, abundant fragrant flowers, and fresh pungent herbs. Can’t you just smell them now? The utter joy which a beautiful garden or yard can bring while it grows.

The bonus is you helped create it, the pride you will feel just seeing its growth will be part of the payoff for your work. Like a loving relationship, its emotional fruits will be produced, felt, and enjoyed simply by doing the work. The returns are myriad, for example, how it makes you feel knowing you’ve got a great friend who has your back and loves you despite your flaws. Someone who will take care of you when you become sick. One who will listen to you and assure you everything is going to work out. Who knows exactly how you like to be kissed. That special person who wants the absolute best for you. 

They know the happier you are with them, the better they in turn will endeavor to add to your relationship. You cannot put a monetary price on the incredible happiness you will experience when your ship comes in. 

How have you prepared the soil in your life? What seeds are you planting?
Are you tending the garden well? 

Thomas E. Ziemann is a Spiritual Mentor with over 42 years of extensive nonsecular research and meditative practices. He delivers engaging, uplifting lectures on Spirituality, Meditation, Relationships, Life Purpose, and Anger Management. He holds annual Satsang Gatherings featuring prominent speakers and teachers at the Zen Gardens.                                                                                                                           

Thomas has written 3 acclaimed books: The Department of Zenitation: A Laymen’s Guide to Making Spirituality work in Real Life, Taming the Anger Dragon: From PISSED OFF to Peaceful, and Creating the Relationship of your Dreams: How to Manifest it from Fantasy to Reality. All available here on Amazon.com.

Thomas is the proud father of two brilliant daughters, married to his best friend, and is a loving Cat Daddy for their 7 Cats and Dog. He rescues Koi and Rabbits and sculpts pumpkins for various Charities. He is a life coach who lives near Portland, Oregon.